posted by App on Saturday, February 26, 2005
Cailin has this hobby of hers where she takes coloring books made for children and really warps them up. She adds her own story line, usually based very loosly on the original printed one. She says the really cheap ones you buy at dollar stores are the best, since you can get about 3 of them for $1, meaning plenty more material to warp. They are usually the best also because the pictures and original story in them are a bit warped already and are just begging you to finish the job. She acquired an Easter one last night as a gift from our friends Zach and Gerald. Immediately she grabbed a black magic marker and began working. What follows is part 1 of a 3 part story resulting from her work. She is describing each page as it looks and the captions below them. Every page is altered a bit from the original and based on her observations of the original pictures, captions, and her demented mind:
[] [cailinnnn000] "Let's Go to an Easter Rave"
[] [cailinnnn000] Page one, we are introduced to Sam the bunny. "Sam is a bunny... Sam likes dirty low-budget pr0n, beating his wife and rubbing against little boys on the bus"
[] [cailinnnn000] Page two, Sam is standing in front of his house giving us the finger, and his lovingly deemed "accident brother" stares at us out the window. "...and this is where he lives"
[] [cailinnnn000] Page three: Sam's family. Billy Bunny is checking out his mom. "This is Sam's Family. Sam's mom is a severe hottie"
[] [cailinnnn000] Page four: Sam's distant cousins, peeping out of the tall grass. "Here are Sam's cousins. They are meadow rabbits. They are also members of a nudist cult"
[] [cailinnnn000] 5: Sam's brother and sister making invitations. "Sam's brother and sister are making beautiful rave invitations...and lacing them with acid"
[] [cailinnnn000] 6: The invitation "They are going to have an Easter Rave and all night orgy..."
[] [cailinnnn000] 7: Sam's mother preparing cake batter. A pot of acid sits atop the counter. "...Sam's mother begins baking for the party"
[] [cailinnnn000] note: it's 10:10
[] [cailinnnn000] yeah that note is pretty irrelevant, but THERE'S A CLOCK.
[] [cailinnnn000] 8: Sam tastes the batter. it's delicious...and laced with acid.
[] [cailinnnn000] 9: A wonderful cake for the easter party is baked, and consists of cooked-alive chickens.
[] [cailinnnn000] 10-11: and lots and lots of easter cookies too, with special sauce!
[] [cailinnnn000] 12: Everyone helps get ready for the party. Uncle Bart cleans the chimney...and accidentally falls in to his doom thus explaining why we never see him again in this story
[] [cailinnnn000] 13: ...and Aunt Bertha puts a shine on the windows . Aunt Bertha has a sweet sweet ass. [arrow pointing to her ass "badonkadonk"]
[] [cailinnnn000] 14 Sam's father cleans the yard. [note the teddy bear appearing to be waiting to be mounted. caption: "really horny and sexually frustrated"]
[] [cailinnnn000] 15 ...and his sister empties the trash trying to hide evidence of her positive pregnancy tests. and her unwanted "accident brother" throws nut crust out the window at her"
[] [cailinnnn000] 16 the rugs are cleaned [Billy Bunny is picturing his mom naked] 17: ...and now everything is ready for the party [nut-crust flying all over from the dirty rugs]
[] [cailinnnn000] 18: [the bunnies are showering together out in the yard. bunny in foreground is copping a feel of both his siblings...[sidenote: are bunnies asexual cause I don't see any genitalia]] "it's time for a shower before the guests arrive...and low-budget incestuous kiddie pr0n"
[] [cailinnnn000] 19: [father bunny dressing in drag] "Father puts on his party dress and masturbates in front of his mirror."
[] [cailinnnn000] 20: [Meadow rabbits raiding the chicken coop] "Meanwhile, the meadow rabbits all line up...to eat live chickens as part of some zany nudist cult ritual...21: and to gather eggs for the easter party
[] [cailinnnn000] 22 - 23: [naked bunnies painting eggs] "The eggs are painted with GAY designs [note: i did NOT put the word gay in there. they did for me] as the bunnies listen to a minidisc single of 'It's Raining Men'...and are ready to hide for the Easter egg hunt!" [eggs in picture read: "GAY" "I <3 Barbara Streisand" "SPOOGE RULZ" "Diana Ross R0x0rz" and "QAF 4 Lyf <3 Brian!!!!1"]
[] [cailinnnn000] 24: Colored lanterns are hung, to enhance the acid trip
[] [cailinnnn000] 25: The fiddler arrives and is clearly tripping on shrooms
[] [cailinnnn000] 26: The ice cream buny is here, too! ...to molest the youngins and put rufies in their sundaes
[] [cailinnnn000] 27: YUMMY! [Sam enjoys his icecream cone]
[] [cailinnnn000] 28: The guests begin to arrive...wearing clothes that will soon be ripped off. [note: ballon shot in head, bleeding, balloon looking devious, a lamb that will conveniently disappear after this page wtf]
[] [cailinnnn000] 29: The bunnies enjoy the slide and apple cider, which is actually laced with cyanide and is actually kool-aid. [bunny wearing nice pants, bartender, and kids looking incestuous on the slide]
[] [cailinnnn000] 30: "What fun" The impaled horses cry out in agony. [bunnies riding a carousel, a kite about to be eaten by Pac-Man]
[] [cailinnnn000] 31: "Be careful! We don't want you to fuck up and not actually die!" [alcoholic rabbit, part of the audience watching another rabbit try to commit suicide]
[] [cailinnnn000] 32: Mrs. Duck joins the party as she not only brings the noise but also the funk.
[] [cailinnnn000] 33: ...and so do her little iducklings [YES THERE'S AN ACTUAL TYPO!] who are responsible for the typo on this page as they are clearly retarded cause ma' duck CLEARLY did crack during pregnancy. [one duck wearing either a re-re helmet or a jew-beanie, and another duck drooling on himself]
[] [cailinnnn000] 34: This bunny brought some bright balloons that will give the kids seizures. [balloons have programming code, math terms, binary code and 'No Fat Chicks' on them]
[] [cailinnnn000] 35: Sam has a special bunny balloon, laced with PCP. It starts talking to him. [balloon: "I could have been a brain surgeon you know...but I chose to be a balloon cause I can be me own boss, and make my own hours...plus the view isn't bad...do you have a fresh pair of underwear on today?"]
[] [cailinnnn000] 36-37: [musicians smoking pot out of giant bongs and pipes] The musicians take seats and take hits from the massive tuba-bong, and beging to play as the acid is finally starting to kick in
[] [cailinnnn000] 38-39: The fiddler joins in...along with the cello. [2 chicks are dancing with each other in backround "bi-chikz R so hottttttt!!!!11"]
[] [cailinnnn000] 40: "Let's Dance" says farmer Jeb, knowing full well that soon the date-rape drugs will kick in
[] [cailinnnn000] 41: It's the bunny hop! Where's Richard Simmons when you need him
[] [cailinnnn000] 42-43: The Meadow Rabbits run through the field...naked...searching for someone to sacrifice, and of course, to finish hiding the eggs
[] [cailinnnn000] 44: [bunny in background appears to be wandering aimlessly. caption: "is so stoned she has no idea what's going on"] The egg hunt begins. [bunny in foreground has a huge head, either he's compensating for something or he has down's syndrome]
[] [cailinnnn000] 45: "I found one!" and it will explode in approximiately 10 seconds
[] [cailinnnn000] 46: Sam finds a beautiful egg...laced with acid.
[] [cailinnnn000] 47: A new arrival! Too bad the bunnies don't realize it's a drug-induced hallucination [bunny coming in riding in a giant hot air balloon. resembling willy wonka]
[] [cailinnnn000] 48: It's the Easter Bunny wearing the same outfit as either willy wonka or professor marvel
[] [cailinnnn000] 49: [close up of the old bastard's face, liverspots, chipped teeth, and fleas] "Hello everyone! You kids wanna get hiiiiigh?"
[] [cailinnnn000] 50: [bunny is waering a toupee as male-pattern baldness runs in his family, and he just shit a brick] the easter bunny presents all the bunnies with baskets...filled with ecstasy, pot, and used condoms
[] [cailinnnn000] 51: "happy easter, you dumb little bastards"
[] [cailinnnn000] 52-53: [NUDIST PARADE 05!] some of the bunnies march through the field, naked, and still hunting for a human sacrifice. it's a Nudist Parade!...or a soon-to-be massacre
[] [cailinnnn000] 54: that night there are fireworks but yet again, it's just a hallucination.
[] [cailinnnn000] 55: Sam flashes his very own sparkler...but it's really a shotgun, which he will use later in life to kill himself after catching his wife in bed with his severely hot mom
[] [cailinnnn000] 56: the sun comes up and the easter bunny bids everyone farewell, but not before raping the horses and pillaging the women
[] [cailinnnn000] 57: the happy tired guests also leave. it's hard to stay awake after an all night naked easter rave - orgy.
[] [cailinnnn000] 58: [note: mistletoe?!?!?!?! hanging from ceiling, i thought this was easter, damn it!] Sam's mother serves a fine easter breakfast..laced with acid to keep the buzz going
[] [cailinnnn000] 59: ...and then goes to wash the clothes as there are some pretty grimey stains all over them [i.e. spooge]
[] [cailinnnn000] 60: after breakfast, sam enjoys a treat from his easter basket. he doesnt' realize however that he just od'ed on ambien.
[] [cailinnnn000] 61: and now it's time for bed. well, DUH
[] [cailinnnn000] 62: sweet dreams! [egg with spots suffers from leprosy]
[] [cailinnnn000] to be continued
[] [cailinnnn000] on blog
[] [cailinnnn000] end of part one
[] [cailinnnn000] of COLORING BoOKS GONE CAILIN
[] [cailinnnn000] so in conclusion, i probbaly need a lot of mental help. RAWK
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